Did you ever stop and think about the stages of a couple’s life? I was looking at a much younger man coming out of Big John’s the other day as I was just pulling up – and he had 2 little boys with him. Now I have no idea who this guy was but he just looked tired and stressed for having gone to the grocery with those 2 little boys. He was a really nice looking dad and my mind just immediately zoomed back to what was probably his time – ‘before fatherhood’. And what it was like for him and his little princess that he had chosen to spend the rest of his life with.
Stages of a Couple’s Life: In The Beginning
We all go through those stages, you know? We start out as a young couple just so in love we want to spend every waking minute together. And when we’re apart – all we can do is daydream of when we’re going to be together again. And then we decide we want to get married and spend the rest of our lives together. Aaahhh that sounds so wonderful when you’re 19 and head over heels in love – doesn’t it? And it is! And it can stay pretty wonderful right up until the old grim reaper comes and knocks on your old door. But have you ever thought about the stages a couple goes through from beginning to end?
First you tie the knot that binds – and then what, class? You’re a deeply in love and devoted couple so you want to make babies and have a gooshie little family and live in a little white house with a neat front porch, a picket fence and a big collie dog, right?You’ve seen it all on tv – how the house stays straight – mom stays home and cooks and cleans and keeps her snazzy looks and figure. Dad goes off to a dream job every day. Kids are well behaved and just nearly perfect. But then – you take time to slow down and look up and WHAT HAS HAPPENED? You’ve made FOUR BABIES? When did THAT happen? Mom is beginning to look a little haggard and is pretty cranky way too much of the day. The kids get runny noses, dirty little faces, track mud in on the carpet that you worked your fingers to the bone to pay for. And that job you have to get up and go to every morning it’s nothing to write home about either.
But this is the life you made and you’re basically good people. You do still love her and she still loves you – but where did the spark and that storybook life go like you had seen on tv?
No one shows family life as hard or disorderly. They make it look like it’s a piece of cake. The homes and lives on those shows always look almost perfect. The parents are magazine cover ready – the kids are squeaky clean all the time and mostly invisible. You never hear arguing from them. You can almost look at that picture on tv and hear and see little birdies flying around the room just chirping to beat the band and the bright sunshine just beaming through the squeaky clean windows of your immaculate home that never ever seems to need a touch up.
So responsibilities mount up – dad’s swamped with his work – moms swamped with the kids and housework and cooking and there just isn’t much time or energy for you guys as a couple. What’s that song? Oh yes – That’s LIFE!
Stages of a Couple’s Life: Kids Turn To Teens
You trudge on knowing this surely is just a passing thing and the kids will be a little bigger before long and things will get a little closer to normal and more like what you had expected. But then what happens? One of the kids reaches their teens and HOLY PETER, PAUL AND MARY!!! You realize how good you had it when they were just toddlers and little rascals with the runny noses and muddy shoes. But you know what, you say to yourself – after teens comes college or a job and they’ll be out on their own soon and then things will be more like what you expected them to be. Yes, that’s what it is. You go through a tough time getting the kids all raised and then you and your princess or prince charming will be back like you were at 19. Dream on young loves, now matured and in a downward spiral.
Stages of a Couple’s Life: Kids Are On Their Own
The kids are now finally grown and live in all parts of the country – they’re beginning to raise their own families and their kids are getting flu bugs and whatever else. And there are just little things about their lives that as a loving parent – even though they’re grown – you just can’t help worry about. So you’re thinking – ok, toddlers and little rascals were not that bad really – teens were a little rougher but at least they were here so we didn’t have to worry too much. But now here your kids are grown and in all the far corners of the country and their little ups and downs are still giving you a heart ache because now they’re so far away and you just can’t help but worry.
The house is now empty once again and you’re setting in the living room and looking over to your princess or prince charming and thinking “where in the world did all the time go?” How in the world did we lose us in all of this hubbub over the years? AND NOW – not only do you have your kids and their kids to worry about in the far corners of the country – your own parents are beginning to fail and you have that worry. WHERE was any of THIS on any of those LALA LAND SITCOMS? How DARE they not tell it like it really is?
But if you’re lucky you slowly adjust to the empty nest. Life slowly begins to get more of a normal feel. There are still worries with the kids and with the aging parents. But you feel such comfort in knowing you’ve weathered the many storms of life and are now admiring the rainbows – together.
You know how they say that as we get on into our senior years – many of us kind of resort back to our childhood actions? Wouldn’t it be absolutely wonderful if as couples. – we could resort back to that priceless time when just being together was everything? AND it still is for many of us – but you know what I mean? Once you leave that euphoric feeling of young love and go down that long and priceless road of decades of life – you just can’t go all the way back to being exactly like you were. You just can’t do it! Oh you can still be deeply in love! You can love spending lots of time together and still play and laugh and love. Life can still be grand! But that precious/priceless flash of time and those feelings the way they were so many decades before – will never be – just exactly like they were – way back then.
My old geezer still gives me weak knees and butterflies once in a while – just by walking in the door. Or once in a while he will have run an errand and I’ll look up and see his old truck pulling in and my little heart will just go pitter pat. But remember when those feelings were almost constant? And when you get into your senior years if you’re lucky – they’re still there but just not quite as often.
Well did I lift you up today? Or throw you off a cliff?
I just saw that young but tired looking dad dad walking to his car the other day with those little boys and just the look on his face made my mind just zoom through all of these stages of life. I could see him as a young man – madly in love with his princess – and then a young dad proud and strong. And then with these toddlers so tired and frazzled and just wondering – what lies ahead for him?
I guess the mid and later stages of life are what send so many into affairs. They’re all looking for that greener grass and those butterflies and weak knees again. But to me – there could never ever be any greater satisfaction in the whole universe – than to be clanging old metal walkers with my old geezer as we’re both trying to make our way to the bed after the nightly news. To know we’ve climbed the highest hills and journeyed across the deepest valleys and weathered all the storms of life in between – just like we had planned almost a hundred years ago.
Through the years we’ve been so SO blessed and I wish the same for you. And if your life isn’t quite what you’d like it to be – just start today to put a plan into action to MAKE it what you want it to be.
Every journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step!
This has been a bird’s eye view from Round Knob Canyon and the world of the Katydid – until next time – you are loved!
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